Comprehending Engineers 
************************************************* 



Two engineering students were walking across campus
when one said "Where did you get such a great bike?" 



The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the
bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want." 



"The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice;
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." 




Comprehending Engineers - Take Two 

************************************************* 



To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer,
the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 



Comprehending Engineers-Take Three 

************************************************* 



A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. 



The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must
have been waiting for 15 minutes!" 



The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never
seen such ineptitude!" 



The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's
with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?" 



The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of
blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them
play for free anytime." The group was silent for a
moment. 



The pastor said, "That's so sad. I will say a special
prayer for them tonight." 



The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact
my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything
he can do for them." 



The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?" 





Comprehending Engineers-Take Five 

*********************************************** 

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
and Civil Engineers? 



Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers
build targets. 



Comprehending Engineers-Take Six 

********************************************** 

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it
work?" 

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How
does it work?" 

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much
will it cost?" 

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want
fries with that?" 





Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven 

************************************************** 

Three engineering students were gathered together
discussing the possible designers of the human body. 



One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at
all the joints." 



Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." 



The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?" 



Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight 

************************************************* 

Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke,
don't fix it.   

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't
have enough features yet." 





Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine 

************************************************ 



An architect, an artist and an engineer were
discussing whether it was better to spend time with
the wife or a mistress. 



The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife,
building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. 



The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the  passion and mystery he found there. 



The engineer said, "I like both." 

" 

Both?" 



Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,
they will each assume you are spending time with the
other woman, and you can go 

to the lab and get some work done." 





Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten 

*********************************************** 

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog
called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn
into a beautiful princess." 

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket. 



The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and
turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay
with you for one week." 



The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled
at it and returned it to the pocket. 



The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a  princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." 



Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it
and put it back into his pocket. 



Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with
you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you
kiss me?" 



The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking
frog......that's cool."