3. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?

9. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

12. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

14. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

15. How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?

16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

18. The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.

19. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.