Liberals, Conservatives, and Southerners

How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and
Southerners? Pose the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around
the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and
charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You
have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man
look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would
inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What
about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the
knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does
the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a
loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and
to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with killing just me? Does
he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We
need to raise taxes, and have a paint and weed day, and make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior, This is
all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days
and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative Answer:
Bang!

Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Rackety-click? (Sounds of reloading)
Wife: "Hun, he looks like he's still moving, whadda y'all kids think?"
Son: "Mama's right Daddy, I saw it, too."
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.
Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"